god lives online.

 

    when i first created the internet, i intended it to use it primarily for marketing purposes. it was shortly before the close of the cold war and i had just lost a significant sum of money to the devil. i won't go into the specifics of our wager, but i'll just say that i had my money on russia.
    anyway, i had this really obnoxious girlfriend at the time. she had really big boobs. but, yeah, she always wanted me to take her out and buy her chocolate and be a regular gentleman and such, so i really needed some dough.
    it was my belief that by creating a worldwide computer network, i could redistribute my goods and collect massive fees without really doing anything at all. you see, i have the world's largest collection of everything. i keep it spread across the face of the earth. perhaps you've seen it?
    unfortunately, the internet didn't take off the way i had hoped. throughout the seventies almost no one had access to it. meanwhile, i was dropping thousands of dollars a day in an attempt to clothe all of my pet rocks. i had the largest collection in the world. i didn't want to see them unclad because, as everyone knows, it is a sin. i ended up having to mortgage my soul to satan for a few years; the eighties, you might remember them? these were not good times for the g-dog.
    by the time the internet finally picked up speed, i had completely forgotten why i invented it in the first place. for a while, i even seemed to think that al gore had invented it! then, without my knowing, in just a few short years, the internet expanded exponentially. suddenly everyone and everything was online! when i found out that even that faggot moby had his own website, i decided it was time. my second great gift to man (second only to bagel dogs ) www.godlivesonline.com was born!